Sharing, bearing, helping.

I desire desperatley to write to you, dear friends, yet words run dry, and my mind remains relatively blank.

The longing in my heart is for deep, and close-knit, and challenging, and oh so wonderful community. Realizing that this is something I've known very little of, even on a small scale; the tendency of my heart is to wall up, and hide, and create unachieavable standards. Perhaps in creating such standards, I am trying to justify a reason to hide - but all I have really done is hurt the ones I care about. If you are reading, and have felt the sting of my distrust (as you almost surely will have) I am ever so sorry to you.

The truth of the matter is that, even now, the measure of trust I give to others is quite small. Please be patient with me, dear friends, I am having to unlearn a lifetime of distrust, and slowly learn to invite others into this heart of mine.

What does it look like to know and be known, to love and be loved?

Feeling stupid, and a little ashamed, I admit that I've not the best idea what it looks like to have friendships full of trust and openness.

Prayers, words, action, and admonishment in such things is sought and welcomed.