Uncovered roots.

I am...exhausted. Tired.

Though I fail to love well, I really do try to make the dear ones around me feel special. I want them to know that they are loved, and valued, and cherished. They are special. So I take on tasks, organizing gatherings, writing letters, planning surprises...Often recieving no acknowledgement, and no reciprocation - though neither of them were the point, or even what I desired to recieve. However, this awareness is something that wages war on my soul, causes me to wonder why my letters go unanswered, in special plans made by others an invitation does not merit the likes of me. In the depth of my heart, it's left me believing that I'm really not worth anything special, that I'm not enough for any of that.


I came upon this understanding of my lethargy only days ago. I've often desired deeply to have adventures - to dance under the stars, and climb through abandoned buildings... But I would never do any of them. Instead, I would sit, finding excuses not to go. And at the root of all of this, was a deeply rooted lie that I am simply not special enough.